I laid down on the sofa lost in my own thoughts, so wrapped up in my own pain, everything was on autopilot for me, I was in so much pain both physical and emotional that I felt like sinking. The past few weeks have been tough on my body, every possible fearful thought run through my mind and paralysed my body. I wanted to shut the world out, ignore the phone calls, isolate myself and just succumb to this frightful experience that in my opinion was eating me up.
Then I heard my phone ring, saw the name on the phone and was temped to let it keep ringing but this was such an unusual caller that I had to pick up. The voice on the other end was faint, hesitant and some how broken, she started to tell me something horrific that happened to her in her child hood. This happened over 10 years ago, I have actually known her some years now but she has never told me this incident. She never had the courage but she chose this moment when I wanted to hide from the world, when I wanted to take a break for being any sort of light or strength for people, she chose this very perfect moment to disclose this to me.
She cried amidst this chat, her voice trailing off in her tears, in ending this call she said some words which translated to ‘I had to call because I look to you for some light in this my dark world. Deep down within me I was reminded of a verse that says, as the eyes of the maid look to her mistress so do our eyes look to you Lord.
Feeders are usually the last to eat, a mother will give to her child first but I have been reminded these last few days how important it is for feeders to look after themselves. Anything that runs on empty will eventually stop after screeching for a while☺️
Suddenly I didn’t want to hide anymore, I realised that although my light seems to be burning low from my end, people still needed that flicker of light, I got up and began in very small steps to fan the light. Sometimes the external music will stop but deep within us is the ability to create rhythm and make melodies.
When we are so weak and tempted to give up then it is the perfect time to look up to the heavens for some supernatural strength. The person following the torchbearer can decide to leave the run but the torch bearer cannot.
I am so thankful for that phone call that came to remind me of Whom to look to, for my strength. It is perfectly okay to take a break when your body needs it but to make a decision to hide based on fear is totally not acceptable in my quarters.
Therefore I learn to walk and possibly lead again shining the light within me, for although it may burn low at times, I pray it never goes off.
Maybe you are going through some tough times yourself and your strength seems to dwindle but I came to remind you to look up to Him and take a break when needed.
For your consideration